


Hot Girl Shit

by Systemic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chaos Mongers, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Gremlins in Love, M/M, Relationship Espionage, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28379214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Systemic/pseuds/Systemic
Summary: Komori:Save me some cheesecake (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧Suna:fuck u and your tiny eyebrowsWhat happens when two chaos gremlins try to set up their friends?
Relationships: Komori Motoya/Suna Rintarou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 21
Kudos: 170





	Hot Girl Shit

**Author's Note:**

> I've never done a fic like this before, but I figured I'd give it a shot - and I genuinely could not think of a better pairing to try it with. In this fic we answer the question: what would happen if two chaos mongers got a little too caught up in clowning their friends? 
> 
> It was so, so much fun to write. I hope y'all enjoy reading it!
> 
> Edit: I did not think about how the formatting would come through on mobile. OTL I'm so sorry. You may have to switch the orientation of your device to make it make sense - landscape seems to work better. I'M SO SORRY.

[Hot Girl Shit]

Komori:   
Suna   
I can’t take this anymore 

Suna:  
good morning to you too 

Komori:   
Yes good sarcastic morning to you as well   
Now focus 

Suna:   
that’s where I draw the line   
focus is too much to ask for before 9am 

Komori:   
I got woken up by my cousin at 7   
So catch the fuck up 

Suna:  
what the fuck? why? 

Komori:   
Your toxic blonde high school buddy 

Suna:  
hey don’t call him that 

Komori:   
I mean, he is a toxic blonde 

Suna:  
no, the other part 

Komori:   
LOL you’re the worst 

Suna:   
┐(︶▽︶)┌  
so what did that idiot do now?

Komori:   
It’s actually more Sakusa’s fault   
He joined MSBY 

Suna:   
well that’s a disaster waiting to happen 

Komori:   
Suna I don’t think I’ll survive this   
He’s been on the team a week and he’s already   
been over to my apartment twice   
At like ass o’clock in the morning   
To whine about sexual tension 

Suna:   
does he actually call it ‘sexual tension’?

Komori:   
That would require a level of self-awareness that   
Sakusa does not possess   
He calls it ‘irritation’ 

Suna:  
on-brand I guess   
what did u tell him? 

Komori:   
That boys are mean when they like someone   
He made this face at me   
[image324009.jpg] 

Suna:   
LOL   
what the hell when is that picture even from?

Komori:   
He makes that face a lot 

Suna:   
also on-brand 

Komori:   
Suna I’m never going to get to sleep in again 

Suna:   
my sympathies for your loss 

Komori:   
Ugh I hate you 

Suna:   
♡( ◡‿◡ )

  
\----

NumberOneMiya posted:  
[Image 7980004.jpg]  
Welcome to the Black Jackals @SakusaKiyoomi!!

OnigiriMiya: why’d ya hafta waste good pie like that Tsumu   
BokutoBeam: It was such a fun welcome party!!!! Welcome to the team, Sakusa!!!!!  
SakusaKiyoomi: Take this shit down, Miya  
KORAI_OFFICIAL: SAKUSA YOU WILL SCARE THE CHILDREN LIKE THAT  
Kageyama_Tobio: that’s Sakusa-san?  
Meian_Official: under the whipped cream, yeah -__-  
thereal_SunaRin: hey @MementoKomori, u seen this?  
MementoKomori: lol now there’s a new facial expression 

  
\----

[Hot Girl Shit]

Suna:   
I need help

Komori:   
Admitting you have a problem is the first step   
We’ll get through this together 

Suna:   
Atsumu is here with panic sweets   
also fuck u

Komori:   
Panic sweets? 

Suna:   
he stress bakes 

Komori:   
Save me some cheesecake (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ 

Suna:  
fuck u and your tiny eyebrows 

Komori:   
Well why is he panicking? What did he do? 

Suna:   
he’s a bisexual disaster who hit the object of his  
affections in the face with a pie

Komori:   
Oh, that 

Suna:   
Komori I’m drowning in chocolate chips what do I DO 

Komori:   
Okay okay   
Here, this is Sakusa’s ridiculous seaweed face wash   
[Image3850009.jpg]   
Tell him to buy this and write a formal apology note   
Emphasis on FORMAL   
And maybe delete the photo   
Although it pains me to see such   
good material go to waste   
Wtf did he think was going to happen? 

Suna:   
Atsumu thinks he’s a lot more charming than he is 

Komori:   
Why does that not surprise me 

Suna:   
he finally left me alone   
thanks 

Komori:   
People always said I should use my powers for good 

Suna:  
LOL

Suna:   
so do u actually want some of this cheesecake?

Komori:   
(✧ᴗ✧) 

  
\----

MementoKomori posted:  
[Image3680008.jpg]  
[Image3680009.jpg]  
After-practice boba with my fellow mean girl! 💅🥤✨  
\- with @thereal_SunaRin

thereal_SunaRin: why is there no boba emoji? rude 😤😘  
BokutoBeam: hey, I can see Washio in the reflection too!! HI WASHIO!!!   
KitaShinsuke: Glad to see you making friends, Suna.   
NumberOneMiya: KITA??? Since when do you have social media?   
thereal_SunaRin: lol

\----

[Hot Girl Shit]

Komori:   
Ok so you know how Sakusa is like   
Not great at the whole ‘people’ thing? 

Suna:  
it’s hard to miss 

Komori:   
Right   
Well   
He thought Atsumu’s attention to   
his skin care routine was sweet 

Suna:  
oops

Komori:   
And may or may not have called me in   
the midst of a gay panic 

Suna:   
oh god

Komori:   
And decided to turn to the internet when I had   
insufficient advice for him 

Suna:  
oh fuck

Komori:   
[ https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kk ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kk)

> \--->Posted by user Anonymous: 
> 
> **My (22M) teammate (22M) is making me sick**
> 
> My (22M) teammate (22M) and I have known each other since high school. We met at Nationals our first year but we didn’t even speak until we went to a training camp together in our second year. He told me I have nice bone structure (I’m double jointed). I told him not to talk to me. We played against each other only once, the outcome of the match is irrelevant (my team did win, though). I went to university after I graduated, but I just joined the pros and as luck would have it, the two of us have ended up on the same team. Now that I’m being forced to spend time with him, I find him even more irritating than I used to. He’s loud and obnoxious, he has no respect for personal space, he has horrible fashion sense, he calls me a truly awful nickname, and he always has his tongue hanging out of his mouth for some godforsaken reason. Also, at my welcome party, he hit me with a pie.
> 
> The thing is, lately when I see him, I start to feel ill. I get palpitations in my chest and get kind of queasy. I’ve started taking my pulse and it elevates when he’s nearby - which, again, could just be the aggravation talking because - and I cannot stress this enough - he is one of the most inarguably irritating people on the planet. 
> 
> TL;DR: I think I’m having a negative psychosomatic reaction to my teammate’s presence. Is it worth quitting the team over, potentially giving up my dream at a pro career, or is it the sort of thing I can build up a physical resistance to? 

\--->Top response from ItsMeDee:  
bro… u ok? pretty sure u just have a crush, u might  
need to smoke some weed and meditate or smth 

[Hot Girl Shit]

Suna:  
he went to REDDIT?

Komori:   
I KNOW 

Suna:  
THE Sakusa… is on /reddit/???

Komori:   
Listen while I can appreciate your shock and awe   
I am once again asking you to FOCUS, Suna 

Suna:   
I mean why does he need my help?   
the internet will clearly solve this problem,  
as it always does

Komori:   
The number of ways this could go wrong   
is astronomical   
One of the top contenders, by the way, is that   
he glares holes in Atsumu and you end up   
with three times the panic cheesecake 

Suna:  
ugh okay fine  
what are we gonna do?

\----

@undercover_SunaRin writes: how do you get two Disaster Gays  
to fall for each other in January?   
|  
|  
@undercover_SunaRin replied: put them on ice

  
\----

MementoKomori posted:  
[Image5470001.jpg]  
[Image5470003.jpg]  
[Image5470004.jpg]  
[Image5470006.jpg]  
[Image5470008.jpg]  
[Image5470009.jpg]  
Who knew Osaka was such a small place? @SakusaKiyoomi and I had SO  
MUCH FUN running into these guys at the outdoor rink today! - with  
@NumberOneMiya @thereal_SunaRin @OnigiriMiya @AkaashiKeiji

BokutoBeam: Wow Tsum-Tsum!! I didn’t know you could skate!!!   
AkaashiKeiji: Yes, both Miyas are quite proficient. I was surprised.   
SakusaKiyoomi: Take this shit down, Komori.   
NumberOneMiya: ooh, family name, he must be serious. I’d do what he says, Komori.   
OnigiriMiya: yer just sayin that cause that’s you beefin it in the last shot   
NumberOneMiya: SHUT THE FUCK UP, SAMU 

\----

“Remind me again why we invited Osamu and Akaashi?” Komori asks, still grinning at the comments as they pop up on his phone screen. “I mean, not that I mind. They certainly helped mellow out the whole event.” 

“If it had just been me asking, ‘Tsumu definitely would’ve gotten suspicious. And ‘Samu’s always down to help get one over on his idiot twin.” Suna cracks a smirk and glances at Komori’s reflection in the window of the bullet train they’re riding home. “Also, it was funny.” 

“It was,” his seatmate agrees with enthusiasm and if it makes something in Suna’s grin turn a little soft, it’s hidden by the angle he’s sitting at. “The whole day was really fun, actually.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah!” Motoya’s wearing that blinding, genuine smile he always sprouts after an especially good play. Suna almost doesn’t notice the way he turns to face it when the phone gets shut off and tucked away; his motivations pull on the edge of his awareness and he reaches for the bag of gummy candy between their seats to distract himself. 

“I guess you and Sakusa are pretty close, huh?” 

“Well yeah, but”--Komori pauses, glances down to watch Suna’s hand searching through the plastic packaging--”I had fun with you, too. Planning and on the train down, and stuff.” 

There’s a stutter in Rintarou’s movement during which both of them look at the packet he’s withdrawn from the bigger bag, its bright purple color denoting its contents’ flavor: grape. “Me too,” he says and neither of them comment on the fact that his voice is a hair quieter than unusual. He unwraps his candy and when he has it hovering just in front of his barely-parted lips, he realizes Motoya’s watching him. 

“You want to go on another trip next time we have a few days off?” the libero asks and Suna meets his eyes, pale green on slate grey. After a split second, he looks away again. 

“Yeah, sounds fun,” he says and punctuates the statement by popping his candy into his mouth, flashing a rare, genuine smile around his puffed cheek. 

Komori sprouts that beaming smile again but it goes sinister a second later, his eyes slanting like he's the cat that caught the canary. 

“You wanna see the other shots of Atsumu face planting on the rink?” 

“You were holding out on me?!” Suna balks, offense only half-feigned. “You little weasel!” 

“Hey, I’m huge for a weasel,” Komori suppresses a cackle that comes out quietly through his teeth and obligingly unlocks his phone. “That was clever, by the way, getting Atsumu to offer to teach Sakusa how to skate,” he muses while he pulls up the photos.

“Are you kidding? The second he found out Mr. Tall, Dark and Gloomy didn’t know how, you could see the desperation pouring off of him,” Rintarou huffs a laugh and gives a pronounced suck on his candy. “I barely had to do any of the work.”

“He is notoriously easy to bait,” Komori agrees and leans almost imperceptibly into his co-conspirator’s shoulder. “Sakusa probably would’ve killed me for mentioning it if he wasn’t so internally giddy about getting his hand held.” 

Suna’s nose wrinkles. “Gross.” 

“Yeah,” Motoya agrees readily and with a smirk as he pulls up a picture of the two of them, Atsumu smiling wide at a wobbly-kneed Kiyoomi on the ice. “Kinda cute, though.” 

“Yeah,” Rintarou says a little more softly than he means to and looks down at the top of Komori’s head. “Kinda cute.” 

\----

[Espionage and Shit]

Suna:   
MOTOYA

Komori:   
RINTAROU   
WHY ARE WE YELLING? 

Suna:   
Sakusa updated his reddit post

Komori:   
Really??!   
Wait, do you have an alert for it or something? 

Suna:   
hell yeah   
I’m invested in this trainwreck now  
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kk ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kk)

> \---->Updated by user Anonymous: 
> 
> When I made the original post I got some very unhelpful advice, so I haven’t tried again. Some things have changed in the last month, though and I’m somewhat at a loss. I’m hoping these updates might net me some actually useful information. 
> 
> I’ve been keeping a record of strange things I’ve noticed when I’m around my teammate. He’s still obnoxious, but the things he does don’t bother me… _quite_ as much as they used to. When he invades my personal space my pulse still jumps and as a delightful added bonus (the ‘delightful’ is sarcastic), my temperature spikes now too. What’s worse is that he seems to be doing it more frequently. In contrast, he seems to be making sure fans don’t get too close to me at events. I thought he was just trampling on boundaries like usual, but now I’m not sure. I think he might be running interference for me. 
> 
> Last week I heard him talking to the custodian at our practice gym about refilling the soap dispensers in the bathrooms more often, which now I think might be because I have this thing about clean hands. He also recently started ordering for me at his brother’s restaurant and I thought that was obnoxious, but he gets the order correct every time. That’s also been causing uncomfortable temperature fluctuations that I am not at all a fan of. My cousin forced us into ice skating together (it’s a long story) and afterwards I was certain I had a fever but then I _didn’t_ and that same cousin has been teasing me about it ever since. 
> 
> TL;DR: I still think I’m sick, but maybe he’s sick too? I don’t even know anymore. What the fuck?

\--->Top response from ItsMeDee:  
lol yeah my dude… LOVEsick. I take it back, y’all need to smoke  
that weed together and see where the sexual tension takes u 

[Espionage and Shit]

Komori:   
Wow   
If he’s going to survive on the internet,   
he really needs to be less specific 

Suna:  
it’s progress, though  
not for his reddit career, but the gay panic part  
I guess both, actually   
he could be memeing by next week

Komori:   
If you send screenshots of this to anyone,   
Sakusa will kill me   
And I will haunt you 

Suna:  
aw・:*(〃∇〃人)*:・

Komori:   
Rintarou 

Suna:  
I’m a goth, Motoya  
you’re basically flirting with me

Komori:   
RIN 

Suna:  
okay okay  
so what next?

Komori:   
Hmm… 

Suna:  
hmm?

Komori:   
Well… I mean, it feels like they just   
need one more push   
But I’m not sure what that should be? 

Suna:   
I think, maybe… it might be time to be mean 

Komori:   
(｡･｀ω´･｡) 

\----

BokutoBeam posted:   
[Image680004.jpg]  
[Image680005.jpg]  
@SakusaKiyoomi has a secret admirer!!! :D!!

TetsukoKuroo: wow, that’s one hell of an arrangement. U gonna get me one too, babe? 😘  
AkaashiKeiji: It certainly is. The lilacs are beautiful.  
SakusaKiyoomi: Take this shit down, Bokuto.  
MementoKomori: wooow, snagged a romantic this time, huh Sakusa? (｡•̀ᴗ-)  
BokutoBeam: @TetsukoKuroo I’ll get you three!!!!   
TetsukoKuroo: babe no, the apartment isn’t big enough (ｏ__ｏ;;)

\----

[Espionage and Shit]

Suna:  
[Image490035.jpg]  
Panic sweets successfully acquired

Komori:   
Mwahaha   
Excellent 

Suna:  
now come help me eat this 

Komori:   
(╯✧∇✧)╯ 

\----  
  


“I don’t think it’s him, Motoya.” 

“So what if it’s not? You said you didn’t _like him,_ so why does that matter?”

“Because I…” 

“Because you…?”

“.....”

“Oh my god, you _do_ like him!”

“You sound like a middle schooler.” 

“You and I both know you didn’t talk about crushes in middle school.”

“I suppose not.” 

“So do you like him or not?” 

“I… he’s…”

“Talented? Hot? Dedicated to the sport you’ve committed yourself to? A lovable idiot?” 

“ _Miya Atsumu.”_

“That is his name, yes.” 

“ _Motoya.”_

“ _Kiyoomi._ ”

“You really are no help at all.”

“You’re just stubborn.” 

“Ugh, fine.”

\----

@Undercover_Tsumu writes: what’s even the point?  
|  
|  
@OnigiriMiya replied: god yer hopeless. Just ask him out already, ya drip.  
|  
|  
@Undercover_Tsumu replied: SHUT THE FUCK UP, SAMU  
|  
|  
@OnigiriMiya replied: I’m just sayin… at this rate, I’m gonna win 

\----

@Undercover_SunaRin writes: too easy

\----

NumberOneMiya posted:   
[Image3400923.jpg]   
[Image3400927.jpg]   
Turns out this guy’s just as camera shy as the fish… ain’t he cute, folks?  
\- with @SakusaKiyoomi at Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan

Meian_Official: never thought I’d agree with that but it’s hard not to with the bucket hat   
BokutoBeam: ohhh!! Fishies!! Can we go too @TetsukoKuroo???   
SakusaKiyoomi: (￢ ￢)  
NumberOneMiya: @SakusaKiyoomi ( ^ヮ^)♡  
thereal_SunaRin: this is actually nauseating   
MementoKomori: agreed   
OnigiriMiya: agreed

\----

[Espionage and Shit]

Suna:   
fucking finally  
that was exhausting

Komori:   
lol yeah, kinda   
It was fun, though 

Suna:   
yeah, it kinda was

Suna:  
Hey, Motoya   
Can I take you to dinner? 

Komori:   
Yes, obviously 

Suna:   
oh my god

Komori:   
I was starting to worry you’d never ask 

Suna:   
I like to be fashionably late

Komori:   
Gay 

Suna:  
lol whatever  
Saturday? I’ll pick you up at 8?

Komori:   
Perfect (* ˘︶˘ *) 

\----

MementoKomori posted:  
[Image360008.jpg]  
[Image360009.jpg]  
Someone got all dressed up for me. :3c - with @thereal_SunaRin 

OnigiriMiya: didn’t know ya owned clothes without spikes on em, Suna  
thereal_SunaRin: even I can tone it down for company that deserves it  
OnigiriMiya: @thereal_SunaRin sap  
KORAI_OFFICIAL: I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE SPIKES NEXT TIME  
Kageyama_Tobio: You both look very nice.   
NumberOneMiya: oh god, you two? I’ll never have peace again  
SakusaKiyoomi: Agreed.   
SakusaKiyoomi: But also… congratulations.  
MementoKomori: ♡( ◡‿◡ )  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments fuel me - let me know if you enjoyed!! :D
> 
> I yell about things on [twitter](https://twitter.com/SystemicWrites).


End file.
